lying is just more fun
by SweettFace
Summary: But instead I lied to myself and made myself believe that Beck actually wanted me, even though I knew he didn't. I knew what Beck was doing, but sometimes it's just easier to play along, and pretend. Because lying is just more fun in the end. *Self mutilation *Depression *Bulimia
1. Outsider

_A/N- After watching I think it was called Car Rain and Fire I completely fell in love with the thought of Beck and Trina becoming a thing. There are only a few Brina stories and I hate that! Bring on Brina! Anyways, this is just a oneshot and I have no idea what is it going to be about. All I know is that I want to write a Brina oneshot, and whatever I write came to me as I was writing it._

_It might be good, it might be bad, but that doesn't matter. All I care about is clicking submit story and knowing that somewhere someday someone is going to read something I wrote and send me a review.  
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_With that said.  
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_Enjoy.  
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**Disclaimer**- I don't own Victorious.

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><p><em>lying is the most fun<em>

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><p><em>::Trina POV::<em>

You know, for a second there I thought someone actually liked me.I thought that someone actually cared if I existed or not. And then Beck being that person made it a hundred times better.

Instead it was cruel joke. A joke.

_But I'm not laughing._

Sure, I felt bad for lying about him asking me out, but I just wanted it so badly. When he had kissed me and asked me if he could come over, I thought something good was actually happening to me for the first time, but when Andre was at the door instead and he was acting all crazy I knew it was too good to true. I knew what Beck was doing. Sometimes it's just easier to play along, and pretend.

_ Because lying is just more fun in the end._

I pretend to be this cold hearted and selfish bitch, but it's just the only way to be heard, seen and acknowledged.

_I'm just the older, untalented, and bitchy Vega sister._

No boy likes me, and no boy will ever like me.

And the fact that it's the truth breaks me.

It's always Tori who they fall for.

It's always Tori who they love more. My parents hate to be around me, my sister hates to be around me, my sisters friends hate to be around me, and I even hate to be around me.

_So in the end, I just completely hate myself._

I look in the mirror everyday and see an ugly, dirty, and disgusting person.

_And that person is me._

I act like the most confident person, but I kind of have to. I can't let people see the real me.

And I don't know why.

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><p>::<p>

As I walk through the doors of Hollywood Arts I put my smile on and stand up tall. I walk over to my locker and look into the mirror.

I didn't put on enough eye liner, I didn't put on enough mascara, I didn't put on enough lipgloss, I didn't put on enough this and that.

It's never enough.

"Hi Trina!" Cat said to me.

I closed my locker. "Hi."

"What's wrong?" she asked me." Why so glum chum?" She laughed obnoxiously to herself.

"Life." I said back to her. "Life is what's wrong with me."

"I know that feeling." Cat said. "Everything is going to be okay though."

How could she know this feeling? What problems does she have? She's gorgeous!

"You're like the happiest person ever, how could there be something wrong with your life?" I said to her.

"My brother has a mental problem, my parents are so caught up with him, that they don't even know when I come home or if I even eat dinner." Cat said to me.

My heart stopped for a second.

I felt bad, really bad.

I gave her a hug. "I'm sorry Cat." I said.

"Yeah, me too." She replied."You know, Trina, if you hug people and say you're sorry to them, people might actually hug you back."

She walked away after that.

She was right. Maybe I could a make a friend or two if I was nicer to people.

"Trina did you take my Pearphone charger?" Tori asked me suddenly.

"No." I said.

"Yeah, just like how you didn't take me Louis Vutton bag." Tori said sarcastically.

I didn't even respond. I simply walked away.

"Trina are you okay?" I heard Tori call out, but I ignored her.

I walked to the girls room, and went to the sink and turned the faucet as if I was going to wash my hands. I took apart my pear-phone and used the sharp part on the back of it to draw a clean line on my wrist.

I pushed deeper and deeper as I went.

It poured down slowly and it looked beautiful.

_Beautiful._

I had a few band-aids in my bag. I stuck them on and then pulled down my sleeve.

I could try and cover my sleeves all I wanted, but the scars will always be underneath.

_It's simply the same with makeup._

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><p><em>::<em>

I had free period first, so I decided to go the BlackBox Theater.

The sound of my heals clicking was annoying me, so I took them off and stuffed them into my bag.

I sat down and looked around.

No one was here.

I put my pearphone to record and then I started to vent out. I let out everything I was feeling. I told it about my crazy crush on Beck, and about how I'm an outsider.

I showed it my scars, and then I clicked save and titled it confession.

Then I saw a microphone.

I thought about all the times I pretended to be a horrible singer, and all of the times they made fun of me for it.

They don't know what I really sound like, but I wouldn't be good enough then either.

But there was no one here, so why not?

I put my pearphone to record again, and set myself at the microphone.

I began to sing.

_"Some people live for the fortune  
>Some people live just for the fame<br>Some people live for the power, yeah  
>Some people live just to play the game<br>Some people think that the physical things  
>Define what's within<br>And I've been there before  
>But that life's a bore<br>So full of the superficial_"

I was one of those people, but I don't want to be anymore.

_"Some people want it all_  
><em> But I don't want nothing at all<em>  
><em> If it ain't you baby<em>  
><em> If I ain't got you baby<em>  
><em> Some people want diamond rings<em>  
><em> Some just want everything<em>  
><em> But everything means nothing<em>  
><em> If I ain't got you, Yeah"<em>

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><p><em>::Beck POV::<em>**  
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__"Some people want diamond rings_  
><em> Some just want everything<em>  
><em> But everything means nothing<em>  
><em> If I ain't got you, Yeah"<em>_

I was walking to get a drink, and then I heard this. Yeah there are thousands of singers in this school, but I've never heard this voice before.

She sounded different.

I opened the door, and walked in.

I could not believe it when I saw it.

This was who this magnificent voice belongs to? __  
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"Trina?" I called out.

She looked up super fast with her eyes wide open.

"What are you doing here Beck?" She as she attempted to leave the stage.

I grabbed her arm.

"I was getting a drink." I said. "You can sing?"

"I don't want to talk to you." Trina said as she pulled her arm away.

"Why?" I asked.

"Just leave me alone. Please?" Trina begged me.

"Trina are you okay?" I asked. I could see tears forming in her eyes.

"Why do you care?" She asked as she wiped her eyes.

"Because you're my friends sister and you're crying."

"I don't want to talk to you, so stop trying." She said as she grabbed her bag. "And I'm not crying."and then she left.

It can't be just me. I can't be the only reason why she's so upset. I've never seen this side of Trina, and I just didn't know what to do.

Then I looked down. It was her pink pearphone. She had left it.

It was still recording, so I stopped it.

I couldn't help but watch the video.

Her voice, it was so heavenly, and the song she was singing was beautiful.

There was another one from today titled confession so I clicked on it.

I wasn't ready at all for what I was about to hear.

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><p><em>Okay so at first this was a oneshot, and I made that VERY clear. BUT, I've decided to add two more chapters and make it a threeshot. <em>

_If it weren't for caligrl1o1 there wouldn't even be two more chapters , so yay thanks to her! :D She inspired me to continue this, so this story is dedicated to her. _

_Send her some love guys. _

_Anyways._

_Please review!_

_Thats all I so very badly want._

_I want to know what I need to improve in because I really do love writing, and I want to be as good as I know I can._

_So please review._

_Thankyou.  
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_xoxo  
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	2. Revealed

Disclaimer- I don't own Victorious.

You hate me I know. School has been taking over my life, and the only time I have to write is on the weekends and I'm always just so tired guys.

#highschoolproblems

Anyways here it is, and yeah i know it's short, but it's kinda just a filler chapter &&& this is no longer a threee shot. I have no idea how long its going to be, but it's going to be interesting. ;)

ENJOY AND SUBSCRIBE.

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><p>::Beck POV::<p>

_I've always known that I was nothing in this world. _

_ I'm a waste of space, and a waste of just everything.  
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_Why are people like me even given chances?  
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_There are people dying of cancer, leprosy, birth defects and I'm still here._

_For what?  
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_I would give my life any second of any day for chance of some dying to live.  
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_I don't care who.  
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_I spend alot of time wondering why I'm so insecure, and I try to think of the good things about me, but there's nothing.  
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_Maybe that's why no one likes me.  
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_I just want someone to actually look forward to seeing me everyday.  
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_I want someone to actually miss me if I didn't wake up one morning.  
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_And I'm honestly crazy for wanting that someone to be Beck.  
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_Beck.  
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_He literally has every single girl in this school crushing on him so why would he want ugly, fat, untalented, and unwanted Trina?  
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_That's why I cut myself, and make myself throw-up.  
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_The cutting is for the pain, and the purging is for me to be beautiful.  
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_if I'm beautiful inside and outside then I'll be loved right?  
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_Then I'm never going to stop hurting myself.  
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I just can't listen to this anymore.  
>I don't think I've ever felt like more of an asshole in my life.<p>

All this time, this is how Trina felt, and we all treated her like dirt, and excluded her from everything.

All this time she's felt this way about me, and I then I went and did that to her.

I can't even imagine what that feels like.

I need to find her.

::Trina POV::

I realized I forgot my phone about ten minutes ago, but I didn't even attempt to run back and get it.

I realized too late.

I've been sitting on this toilet seat ever since, thinking about what the rest of my life is going to be like now that I know Beck definitely watched my video.

_He knows everything now._

And I just know he'll tell everyone.

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><p>REVIEW!<p> 


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